Three months ago I was unkempt, loud and didn’t know how to tune myself for day to day work. I had a best friend, and I just discovered that my childhood first love was not chubby at all. Instead of the chubby, curly haired short boy, was an ice cold model who hated me with his guts. To be fair, he never knew that it was me behind my spray of freckles and vicious hair. But I had my doubts. He could’ve known it was me and still ignore me.
Would Ji Seong Joon do that to me? At that time I would probably say yes.
I longed for him to remember me, I wanted to scream from rooftops “Seong Joon-ah, it’s me! It’s me!”. But I couldn’t. In my heart, I was ugly and he was handsome. Plus I felt an inferiority complex whenever I was with Min Ha Ri, my best friend.
I asked her to meet him once. Just to show that that was me. The pretty tall girl with everything. I feel ashamed of myself now for that lame act.
Two months ago, everything was somewhat calm. Ha Ri was definitely keeping secrets from me and Seong Joon-ah was warming up to me. I still believe he searched through the cow dung to look for my ID. He always denied it. Egotistical pig. Hah.
I have gained a follower, in the form of Editor Kim. He was handsome but he hid it behind his clowny façade. He was smart but he always joked and never took anything serious. I also had a feeling that he might be hiding something from me. What is with everyone? Hiding stuff from me? Do I look like the plague? Was I that bad?
I feel comfortable that Seong Joon-ah is smiling by me at that time. I wanted him to get to know me better. I really hoped that he would recognize me, but still he didn’t. I have to tell him the truth. I have to….
One month before. So I found out that my best friend lied. She had been seeing Seong Joon-ah behind my back. It was a shock, seeing them together like that, and I did the only thing I could. Walk away. My heart was beating rapidly. I didn’t know how, but like I was small, my poor heart has fallen again for Seong Joon. I loved him, and he never knew that. He doesn’t know that.
Editor Kim- Shin Hyuk confessed to me. He asked me to come to him. I couldn’t. I didn’t… love him the way he wants me to… The way he loves me… I can’t. I respect and love him as my older brother, and if I hadn’t met Seong Joon again and fallen for him again, I would’ve loved Shin Hyuk back. I don’t know. I’m confused.
I wanted to love Seong Joon-ah back, so much. But I discovered that Ha Ri was in love with him too. When he found out who I really was, he ran to me and we almost hugged. I wanted to feel his arms around me, and his lips on mine. I wanted to love him as much as he loved me.
Yes, I found out that he loved me back. Seong Joon-ah had loved me back all this time. Every minute I looked at him now, he was smiling reassuringly at me. Comforting me. Waiting for me.
“You’re my past. You’re my today. You’re my future”
I died at those words. I wanted to love him back so much. So very much. But I couldn’t hurt Ha Ri. I couldn’t.
And now, Ha Ri talked with me. She was over him. I was doubtful of course. She said she was ok before and I found her crying her heart out. But this time she assured me, she was ok. Nothing to worry about. She spelled it out for me, “Go to Seong Joon-ah”
I took my initial step towards love. New shoes, new attitude. I’m going to find Seong Joon-ah and tell him how I feel. That I can’t live without him, that I can’t breath without him…. Who am I kidding? I was just going to return his scarf.
He had collapsed. I felt as if I was held in a chokehold. My Seong Joon-ah. When I heard that I felt as if my whole world had collapsed. That’s when I realized, I really do love him. With all my heart all my soul.
A storm came and we quickly braved through it. Most Korea was hanging by a thread, but Seong Joon-ah saved it, along with everybody in the team. He’s a savior. He saved me, he saved our company. I want to save him…
“Will you marry me?”
And I saved him.
Here we are now, me holding a lovely bouquet of tulips with the biggest smile on my lips and I knew beyond that door stood the man who will take my hand and make me his. My Seong Joon-ah. The man of my dreams.
Ha Ri is giggling beside me. She had not had a rest. She is telling me everything about her latest guy to me. Just when I thought Ha Ri will not change her ways, she surprises me. She’s in love with Kim Shin Hyuk. Wow.
I smile. I am so happy.
The wedding march begins. I take my dad’s hand. He kisses my forehead and gives his blessing. Tears spring to my eyes. Appa, I love you. Be well, my daughter. No words needed, I knew how he felt. We walk down the aisle together.
I see my friends. I see Shin Hyuk, but they all blur when I look at my man waiting for me. He has a shocked smile. And I almost wave at him. Throughout the ceremony we keep staring at each other. He mouths the words “saranghae” at me. I mouth it back at him. Before the minister tells us to kiss he tackles me with his lips. Our friends scream as he kisses me passionately and I reply ardently. Husband and wife, finally. And it only took us years.
What happened to me? Do I deserve to be happy? This much?
Seong Joon-ah, my best friend, my love, my dream, the father of my child, I love you, forever and always…